Society’s Impact on Me

Weight seems to be a big issue in society for girls. I mean, it is for guys too, but I’m focusing mainly on girls for a particular reason you will see why later. People have this notion that the ideal girl is skinny, thin, and have no fat whatsoever. People do “fat-shaming” or whatever, and make fat jokes. It’s a touchy topic and if you call a girl fat, you’ll get so much hate from other people, be it other girls or guys who want to be that knight in shining armor. People will stand up for people who are conscious of their weight and praise them for their attempts at becoming thinner, or tell them that they’re beautiful the way they are.

It’s touching and nice of society to be uplifting and encouraging. Positive reactions/comments are always nice. But then there are girls who are underweight and very skinny. No one really pays attention to them. If you see them on the streets, you’ll probably think that they purposely want to be that skinny. That they made themselves like that. Sure, there are some girls who do so (anorexia/bulimia), but there are girls who can’t help it.

Like me.

I have a very high metabolism, so it’s hard for me to gain weight but very easy for me to lose it. And I don’t want to be this skinny. I try and try so hard to gain weight, but it’s hard when one of my medication’s side effects is loss of appetite. Yes, the high metabolism is something maybe every girl wishes she could have, but they don’t realize the downsides to it. There isn’t any physical downsides (besides being underweight and pretty weak), it’s mainly all mental and psychological downsides.

I can’t express how fragile my self esteem is because of my skinniness. It fluctuates a lot. One day I’ll have great confidence, and the next day it’ll come crashing down. And the reason why is because of people. Online, when people try to be uplifting for girls who are ashamed of how much they weigh, they tend to bash on skinny girls.

It doesn’t feel good reading all that.

When stuff like that happens, it doesn’t matter what media or commercials portray. Those media outlets just want to sell things. People online express what they actually think, at least for the most part. Even in public, when I’m walking about I’ll catch guys looking at me and I never know if it’s because I look good that day or they’re noticing how skinny I am.

I think the most depressing part about it for me is that people seem to be comfortable openly telling me how skinny I am. They think it won’t affect me if they mentioned how skinny I am or if they wrap their hand around my wrist and exclaim it in a shocked way.

Honestly, if you’re not going to say “oh my god, you’re so fat!” to an overweight person, then please don’t say “oh my god, you’re so skinny!” to an underweight, very skinny girl UNLESS you know that they wanted to be skinny. Then I’m sure they’d take it as a compliment. I, however, do not take it as a compliment. And I know there are other girls out there like me. So it’s better to be safe than sorry and just not say it if you’re not sure how that person feels about their size.

So many people, from my relatives to friends have commented on that. Most of them tack on the statement, “I wish I was like you!” or something of the likes. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. And surprisingly, no guy has ever said anything about my size. Perhaps they have better sense than to comment on a girl’s weight or maybe because they don’t really care. It hurt at first, but now it just irritates me a lot when they tell me how skinny I am. It’s become a pet peeve.

I remember, my high school dorm parent actually told my dorm mates to stop saying that to me because it was making me feel bad. Good eye there. I wish everyone else was vigilant on how I react whenever they mention how skinny I am.

Beau, in the beginning of our relationship, once texted his ex saying that I had a thigh gap (he personally likes it). And she said, “well that’s what you get for dating an anorexic girl.” It’s understandable (like, minuscule understanding) she’d say that because back then she still had feelings for Beau so of course she’d bash on me. Regardless… bitch.

Beau actually likes my body. His ideal type is a skinny girl and he thinks thigh gaps are hot. He’s not really into chubby girls. Yeah, that might seem shallow and I think a lot of people would scrunch up their nose at that and tell him how shallow he is for that. Even I, at some period, was surprised and thought “hm, interesting…” in a sort of negative way. And that goes to show what society is like and how it has an influence on what you think.

Truth be told, I like that Beau’s ideal type is someone like me. It makes me feel reassured that someone not only likes me personality wise, but also physically. Yes, kind of shallow. But if you were to be in my shoes, it’ll feel good when someone likes your body. I’ve felt more confident since I met Beau and I really can’t thank the universe for meeting him. I’ve been less insecure and in front of him, I’m not afraid of being stark naked (sorry, but had to add that) or wearing short sleeves to show my wrists.

Sometimes I feel compelled to just scream and tell everyone to stop informing me of my weight as though I wasn’t aware of it. Of course I fucking know what my size is like. You don’t need to bring it up constantly. I swear, from now on if anyone comments on my size I’m going to snap at them and get mad. Because honestly, they’re not going to get the hint if I don’t get mad about it.

Luckily, I’m a short girl so my skinniness isn’t TOO bad, I’m proportionate. But please, before you say anything, just take precautions – or whatever. You never know how someone feels about themselves, or about anything, really. Just like the whole situation where you ask a fat woman, “oh, when are you due?”

Well, there’s my other mini rant. Have a good day/night y’all.

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