The Thoughts Behinds Gifts

I don’t know about you guys, but for me I think gifts is all about the thought. You could get someone a shitty, fake ring from off the streets and it could mean a lot to the receiving person for thought reasons (like it means something to them or so).

When I get a gift for someone, I get it with the intentions of “s/he would really appreciate this.” For example, some gifts I’ve given Beau is a DVD on space and a seven paged letter. The space is because he is fascinated by space (black holes and other dimensions to be more precise) and also he isn’t a reader, so I made sure it was a DVD and not a book. The letter was because he sometimes needs to be reassured that he’s loved by me (due to past traumatic events in his life), so on one of the special occasions I wrote him a long ass letter talking about what I love about him and all the funny moments we’ve shared together and just overall intimate thoughts that I hardly speak of. One time, I even surprised him by taking him to a dog/puppy place so he could hold a puppy because he told me he never held one before in his life.

Now gifts that Beau has given me… they mainly consist of items that he likes. To be more specific, Beau gets me things that he wants to see on me. He personally thinks I’m a very attractive girl, so most of the gifts he’s gotten me are clothes. Now, that’s not an issue and I’m sure most girls would love their guys to get them clothes. But examples of clothing he’s given me is a corset, short shorts, see through lingerie, see through crop top, etc. They’re essentially clothes that he would want to see me wear and thinks I’d look hot in. And just recently he ordered me some skimpy bikini for the summer (that was the least slutty looking compared to every other bikini he wanted to get me).

Again, I don’t have a huge issue with it, but 90% of his gifts have been clothes. Other times, he’s gotten me jewelry (materialistic and such a safe gift to get me seeing as how all girls love jewelry). I probably sound like a bitch being all “omg he just gets me clothes and jewelry.” But honestly, I would love it if he could for once get me a gift that really shows he knows what I like. Not to mention, I am not a flashy person at all. I wear converse and cardigans and do not wear crop tops on the regular (once in a while yes). I’m not gonna label myself a nerd or such, but I most certainly am compared to girls who are into fashion and likes to show off their jewelry.

His getting me skimpy clothing and other materialistic things just makes me feel like he’s in our relationship for my body/his own (sexual) reasons. I know for a fact he truly does love me for me, but damn it is so true when people say that actions speak more than words. Right now, his actions are telling me that he’s completely focused on my body and doesn’t know what my likes and dislikes are.

Fuck, man. He could make me a cut out dinosaur and name it Beau-asaurus and I would treasure that shit more than anything he’s ever gotten me. Yes, he has gotten me some items based on what I said, but only twice. One time, he got me a lokai bracelet and I almost cried when he gave it to me because I was so touched that he actually remembered me mentioning that I wanted one a few weeks prior. Also, that was the first time he got me a gift based on something that I had said/wanted.

I understand that girls are all about jewelry and clothes and also that I may come off snobby in this post, but seriously… all I could ever ask from Beau is something with thought behind it. Get me a book on dinosaurs, a pokemon related gift, or funny dog related gift, I don’t know! I’m just tired of him wanting me to look good or my best. So far, he has not done anything to prove that he actually knows what I’m passionate about.

Him being like this has caused me a few times to contemplate breaking up. I don’t want a guy who is shallow and constantly focuses on the physical pleasures of our relationship. I want a guy who will occasionally do things because he knows I love it, not always because he loves it. But, Beau is an amazing guy besides this. So I’m hoping that this aspect will change. If it doesn’t, I’m just going to straight forward tell him why this bugs me and hope we can fix it. And if it doesn’t change after that, then… oh well. We’ll see where it goes.

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