Cheater Regrets

This is part two, so if you guys haven’t read the first part, scroll on past this to get the beginning context. So to recap, Beau cheated on me and I gave some background story on what happened before we took a break.

After we took a break, I got back on my Tinder game and started getting a lot of dates to help me get my mind off of the whole situation. Beau and I agreed to still meet now and then, mainly because at the time I wanted to show him I had changed. God, I was so stupid.

Pretty quickly, I met a guy on Tinder who I shall call Jif (like the peanut butter… for reasons). I talked to him a lot and we met up, and he seemed to be like a genuinely nice guy – unlike my asshole and player of an ex. After spending time with him and talking to him, I realized my wrong doings and realized that I don’t owe Beau any second chances. That my self-blame was unnecessary and it’s completely his fuck up.

Yes, my short temper probably did cause our relationship to go down the drain, but it’s his fault for not communicating with me and telling me what he wanted to change and make better in our relationship. No relationship is perfect, it’s about talking and making things better. And he failed to do so. Instead, he was planning on breaking up with me for a while and then had the lack of decency to go and cheat on me before ending the relationship.

The biggest epiphany I had was that I couldn’t be with a guy who thinks that the only solution to every issue in a relationship is to break up. And man, did that epiphany feel good.

Well, I was furious for a few days and enraged at him and my stupidity, but that rage felt so much better than the pathetic heartbroken sadness I had felt before. I naturally started to talk to Beau less, and I think because of the distance I was creating, he started to miss me. Initially, it was me trying to be flirty and stuff during our break and talking to him a lot, but after my quiet realization, he began to text me more and started wanting to hang out more and began saying things like “I miss you” and such. Also, Beau is gong to Sweden for a few weeks to spend time with her and decide if he actually wants to stay with her or come back to me and give our relationship a second chance. Later, I became furious because I realized I’m being treated as a second option. That if he decides he doesn’t want to be with Psycho, he’s coming back to me because there’s a back up option, not because he actually WANTS to be with me.

I also got a little more mad during this period because I find out that during our break, he’s talking to Psycho romantically and allows her to call him her boyfriend and he’s also reciprocating the labels. I’m not mad about that, though. I was mad about the fact that he lied to her right off the bat and didn’t tell her the truth about how he was deciding between me and her. Not only that, she has no idea that we sometimes still hang out.

I had no idea she thought they were in a relationship, and I felt absolutely shitty because during our break I slept with Beau a few times. Another reason I got mad was because that means within their week or two week long “relationship,” Beau was already lying to her and cheating on her with me. In less than two weeks I went from being the main girl to the side girl. Unbelievable. Of course, I don’t give two shits about Psycho but I still felt a little guilty.

It turns out that Psycho was getting on Beau’s nerves too. In less than a few weeks she was showing her controlling side and was also starting to seem a LOT like Beau’s first ex – which he despised. So due to that, he began to miss me even more. And during this time I just laughed in his face (mentally). He sent me screenshots of good night texts Psycho sent him every night, and good lord she could write a full on series with the amount and length of lovey-dovey texts she sends him for 20 minutes before finally going to bed (Seeing that made my day though haha).

I officially broke it off with him last week though when we were hanging out after he admitted that he thinks he wants to stay single for a while and that after Sweden he’s going to break up with Psycho. I was glad he came to his senses because honestly if he can’t learn ASAP how to be a proper boyfriend and communicate problems, then he’s going to have a lot of future troubles. After that I opened up my emotions, how I felt the last several days and told him about Jif, and I could see he was sad. At some point during the drive home he even mumbled “I’m an idiot.” Like damn right you are.

He even told me over dinner “I do feel really guilty about what I did, that has to count for something, right?” Oh my god. I was in absolute disbelief when he said that. I cleared the plates in front of me calmly and leaned forward on the table and stared at him for a moment before letting loose my monologue.

Sure, maybe he did feel guilty, but I do not see it at all – not before and not now. All I saw, was a guy who decided to cheat on his girlfriend while overseas and stayed at a girl’s hotel and didn’t show any remorse for his actions. He slept with her the day I was at the doctor’s getting results about my endometriosis and during Florida he was sneaking around my back talking to her still and he lied to both of us constantly in the past month. So no, it does not fucking count because I do not and did not see a shred of regret or guilt or whatever.

I think I just spewed out my emotions for a good 3 minutes while he just kept avoiding my gaze. I forced him to look at me though, and boy I was low key pissed off when he said that.

And now, part 3 next!

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