When Cheaters Screw Your Mind Up

So the new guy in my life whom I am seeing, Jif, is great as I’ve mentioned before. He knows everything that has happened between Ex and me too (also mentioned before I believe). He’s an adorable darling and the complete opposite of Ex. Ex is an asshole with no common sense, Jif is too nice to people and is also a big softie like me.

I cannot for the life of me remember if I stated this before, but Regina and Jif actually used to be close friends in middle school. But after they went to different high schools, they drifted apart. It’s quite a coincidence I happened to start seeing her old close friend after seeing him on Tinder haha. And even though all three of us go to the same college and they see each other, they never talked. But there was a classic miscommunication – both parties told me separately that they thought the other person forgot about him/her, which is why neither of them ever bothered to say hi.

They talked recently though and I’m happy about that! Now Regina, her boyfriend Poet (he writes good poetry; a creative writing major), and Jif and I can comfortably hang out all together once school starts.

Anyway, that was some context. Back to the main point of the post: I can see Jif is a sweet, genuine guy who is loyal, and even Regina confidently states that Jif is just not a person like Ex at all. Deep down, I know that for a fact and I believe it.

And yet, I can’t help but constantly doubt him. I can’t help but wonder if he’s lying to me in general or lying to make me happy, or if he’s seeing other girls too (even though he says he’s not the kind of people to see several people at once), etc. Right now, he’s on a week long vacation in California with 3 friends… One of them being his recent ex…

He informed me that their relationship didn’t work out because they were more like friends than lovers, which is why they’re good friends now (since they don’t really have a romantic interest between them), but I still can’t help but worry. Ex’s first ex talked to him a lot and I didn’t think much of it, but then it turned out she still had feelings for him and she talked shit about me constantly so you can see why I’m paranoid right now about Jif and his ex still friends (I am in no way accusing Jif’s ex of being like Ex’s ex, just brief context on Ex’s ex).

I can’t help but wonder if, just like Ex, he has an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality and that he forgot about me kinda and his attention is on new female friends he made there in California. I’m trying so hard to move past my paranoia and just let it go, but it’s really hard when majority of his friends are girls. In a way, it reassures me because it shows he’s not a player or anything, he actually can be friends with girls (Ex never had female friends).

Ex really fucked me up mentally. And I hate him for that. Because of him, I’m unnecessarily and unconsciously doubting this new guy. I know I shouldn’t compare the two guys, especially since they’re complete opposites, but you know how you just can’t help emotions. My mind is telling me that everything’s okay and Jif is interested in just me, but my emotions are all over the place and I’ve freaked out to Regina more times than I can count about Jif and my doubts.

And so… today, I was on my way back from New York and Ex and I were talking a bit on Whatsapp. He was having fun in Sweden in general, though Psycho was kind of getting on his nerves. One thing lead to another, and I found myself explaining to him about how he screwed my mind over and caused me to be paranoid.

He apologized for doing that, but then soon said the most ridiculous thing ever. He made it seem as though even though he cheated, it’s still my fault for starting it. Sure, my short temper did tip the first domino over, but I wasn’t aware he was contemplating break up/cheating for this reason. He seemed happy as a puppy throughout our relationship that fake bastard. Instead of interrupting the domino line I started, he just watched it go and was like “oh well, nothing I can do even though I’m right fucking there and can easily stop it.” Screen shot below.

IMG_4858

The NERVE of him to say that to me. When I read that, something in me snapped and I (subtly) blew up at him. His response to that was basically “I know I know, and I’m sorry. You can punch me when I get back.”

Tough luck on him though. Regina actually really wants to beat him to pulp so maybe I’ll let her do that. She also wants to key his car or slash his tires. I told you she doesn’t go easy on shit heads.

Anywho, that’s all for updates! I am exhausted because I haven’t had much sleep lately and I am going to hit the sack. Good night and take care, dear readers!

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