So before Ex left for Sweden recently, he wanted to meet up for the last time in a long ass while and I agreed. I thought it would be better to end things on a positive note and not badly. Even though he messed everything up, I’m too much of a softie so I felt the need to be nice to him.
I went over to his place last Wednesday and we sat down and just talked. He caught me up on good things that happened with his career and I shared some new events as well. Then later on, Ex had the balls to ask me if there would ever be a chance for us two again. In a nice way, I said no. Even though I was blinded at first and wanted him back, my mind/head is clear now and I remembered that I always had the policy of not tolerating cheaters.
Then I noticed Ex was a bit more down than he probably should be at the moment, so after asking him several times what was on his mind, he admitted that he was sad to see me move on quickly and be seeing a guy so soon. He actually fucking said “it makes me feel like you never loved me. Like I loved you more than you loved me.”
I stared at him in disbelief for several seconds and I was unable to hold back a laugh of shock. Like… excuse me?! You? Loved me more than I loved you? I began to start listing all the things I did for him and sacrificed for him, but two seconds later I teared up and my voice wavered. Ex looked up at me at that point after hearing my unsteady voice. I held up a finger to say “hold on a minute” and I closed my eyes to collect myself and my thoughts.
But I lost it.
Tears of sadness and frustration came out of my eyes uncontrollably and Ex immediately leaned over and held me in his embrace. I hugged him back (not sure why), but through my sobs I was yelling at him. I told him everything I did for him, how he was my number one priority ALWAYS, how I walked 20 minutes through a blizzard to surprise him and take care of him when he sliced his finger, how I begged my mom to make some home cooked meals for him, how I scheduled my classes early in the morning so that I would have time in the afternoon to see him, how I left work early once and commuted 45 minutes to his place for only one goddamn hour because he was sick before commuting 1.5 hours home. I went on and on – the list was endless. Then, of course, finishing off with the usual “and what did you do? You went and fucking cheated on me” and etc. etc.
After that, he started bawling too and he told me he just realized how much he took me for granted and that he never noticed it. Then we both cried a lot. I think we cried for almost an hour. It was tears out of sadness, because we both started reminiscing of all the good times (damn, I’m tearing up now thinking about it) we had and how happy we were before this shit storm. Every time we stopped crying, one of us would remember something else and start sobbing again. My tears were more of sadness at the loss of a great relationship and potentially great future and how it all went to waste. I think Ex’s tears were more out of regret and guilt though. I could tell he really wanted me back. But no is no and I have no room in my life to give cheaters a second chance.
While I was at his place, I texted my best friend (I forgot the nickname I gave her, if I had given her one, so I’m gonna make a new one and call her Regina George after Mean Girls because she can be a blunt girl who does not go easy on mother fuckers, that badass) ,Regina, asking if she could meet me and have ice cream.
That sweetheart. She was apparently on a date with her boyfriend, but she took time out of the date to come pick me up from a nearby station and spend time with me (her boyfriend there as well). I am ever so grateful to have a friend like her. While in the car, I told her what happened and she just went off about how Ex was a douchebag and insensitive. It helped. I was happier being angry at Ex, I can’t bear to be sad over loss of good times.
And now, for part two of this post which takes place today itself.