Gray Beliefs

Did I ever tell you guys in detail about my internship? I got it over the summer and started working at the beginning of September, and I work under the senator! More specifically it’s for the immigration’s specialist office. It’s 3x a week, a total of roughly 15 hours, I have to dress up business-professional, and it’s unpaid but hey who’s complaining (grumble grumble).

It’s super hectic this semester, immediately after my classes I rush to my workplace and change into work clothes, then work till 5pm. It was okay before, but now because of daylight savings, leaving work in darkness wears me out more for some reason haha.

Anyway, not the point of my post. Today, one of my office mates made a remark about Starbucks and how a man was angry that they didn’t put snowflakes on the cups. The conversation lead to one thing and another, and soon the entire office started having an intense discussion about God(s) and religion.

It was very interesting and at one point they started talking about the times in their lives they realized they stopped believing there was a God. Two of them stated it was because of dinosaurs and another funnily stopped believing in God when she stopped believing in Santa. I forgot what the fourth one said, but they all shared stories like that.

I didn’t really contribute to this conversation, because they were mainly talking about the stereotypical bearded God of Christianity – something I didn’t really have knowledge/experience in since I was raised in a Buddhist family.

But it still got me thinking. Because… like… they all had a moment in their lives when they stopped believing in a God and such. They believed, then found a reason to stop believing. But for me, I don’t think I ever believed in anything ever. Like, I remember that I never believed in Santa or the tooth-fairy. As a kid, I’d enjoy the aspects of them like getting presents or getting my tooth replaced with a dollar bill, but I always KNEW that they weren’t real. I knew that my parents put the dough under my pillow and that the presents were from them or friends too. I don’t think I ever truly believed in anything.

I know Buddhism works a bit differently than Christianity regarding Gods. In Buddhism, we have a variety of Gods for various things (such as the Goddess of Wisdom, Goddess of Compassion, etc.), and my parents are believers and often pray when situation calls for it. But I never truly believed they existed. As a kid growing up, I don’t recall a single moment in my life when I strongly thought “I know they exist” or had some equivalent sort of strong belief. Throughout my life I’ve always just been… on the fence I guess. I never fully believed higher beings (I’m talking about any religion, not just Buddhism now) existed and were there for us, but at the same time it wasn’t like I was vehemently against the concept.

I wondered why I was in a gray area in terms of this topic. I came to a hesitant conclusion that it may be because I grew up as a big science lover. Now, I don’t mean all sorts of science like physics, and such. But, as you guys know, I was and still am a huge fanatic of dinosaurs and the animal kingdom. And when you learn about dinosaurs and animals today, you inevitably learn about evolution. It’s naturally a part of those types of topics. And I think because I watched so many documentaries and read so many books on them since I was very little, I never had the time to consider the religious aspects of my life. The more science-y side consumed my childhood and even today I enjoy learning new facts and reading science books (that are to my tastes that is).

I’m not 100% confident with this conclusion, but it’s the only logical thought I had while sitting in my office chair. What do you guys think?

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