I sometimes have random dreams about an ex. Not Magician – fuck him. An ex from before my time with Magician. Let’s call this guy… Marshmallow, for, as usual, reasons. I’ve never mentioned Marshmallow before on my blog, because he’s a long forgotten memory now and has no part in my life. WHICH makes these random dreams even weirder considering the fact I don’t even think about him anymore. And yet, at least every few months (sometimes longer periods), I have one dream about him. Last week, I had another dream about him after a year so I thought I’d write about Marshmallow before I forget for another couple months.
Title: The Marshmallow Tale
It was my freshman year in high school, and I noticed a boy walking across campus. He was, to me, insanely cute and for some reason I really liked the way he walked. Kind of casual but sultry. I don’t even know how to describe it. I was just very attracted to him.
After a little digging (okay, major stalking), I found out his name was Marshmallow and he was a grade above me. So because he wasn’t in my grade, chances of him having classes with me was like next to 0%. Not to mention we had no mutual friends over the years so having the opportunity to mingle was even more so a far-off dream. My high school was relatively small though (since I went to a private school) with a little under 500 students? It seems like a lot but trust me, you quickly know every single face there. So thus, I saw him every now and then around campus.
And just like that: three years went by of me just admiring from afar. He was my little eye-candy. I had other crushes and a boyfriend in the meantime, but he was always there in the background.
My junior year was when the magic happened though. I was leaving Biology class with a dear friend of mine (we still hang out!) and I noticed Marshmallow was behind us, also leaving the science building. I whispered to her that he was behind us, and she whispered back “You should ask him out to boat dance.” I freaked out at the idea, but alas, it was a fucking fantastic idea. It was then I realized, Holy shit. I gotta make a move because it’s already April and he’s graduating and leaving forever in about two months.
It took me a LOT of fucking courage but I managed to do it in the school dining hall a few days later. I saw him come in while I was with another friend and I panicked but I knew it was time. I walked up to him, hyperventilating like a motherfucker, and said hi. He did the biggest triple take because.. well… I was a stranger essentially. Literally looked at me and behind him three times to make sure I wasn’t talking to someone else. It was actually pretty comical.
I introduced myself and said that I think Nerd (my friend and someone from Marshmallow’s dorm) mentioned to him that I wanted to befriend Marshmallow. (Nerd said that he passed along the message a few weeks prior). There was a brief second of a pause, then Marshmallow smiled with an “Oh that’s right. Nice to meet you, my name is Marshmallow.” I smiled back politely but inside me a volcano was erupting hot lava of emotions.
We talked for a bit before I asked him to boat dance, and he said yes! Good thing too or else I would have had a heart attack from deep, deep shame. During that whole conversation, my legs were shaking like a newborn deer’s legs.
It seems that the universe was rewarding me for taking the first big step because Marshmallow then went on to make the first moves on everything else. A few days later, I bumped into him in the hallways and we chatted for a bit. Then he said “Hey, what’s your number? Just so—” and I didn’t hear the rest of that sentence. As soon as he asked me for my number, I zoned out in disbelief and legitimately didn’t hear what he said after that. And a few nights later, I was in bed with my roommate studying at her desk. I checked my facebook to see I had a friend request – from Marshmallow. I screamed and my roommate nearly fell out of her chair from shock.
My reactions may seem absurd but guyssss. I had my eye on Marshmallow for 3 years and now finally my far off dream of being with him was slowly coming true! Those last two months of high school was just a modern day fairytale for me.
Boat dance went amazingly well, and Marshmallow later told me that he started to like me when we were slow dancing and he liked the smell of my hair. I was like “… what.” Even Gamer, today, seems to like the smell of my hair. Every now and then he’ll just take my hair in his hand and sniff it, or he’ll sleep with his face buried in my hair. I guess guys like the way a girl’s freshly washed hair smells?
After Boat Dance, we continued to hang out regularly at school and one day at the library he kept nagging me, asking me how I noticed him or why I wanted to be his friend. It was embarrassing to say, but eventually I told him how I had noticed him for a few years now. And Marshmallow hit me with “The reason why I’m asking you is because I… like you.” I just continued smiling here like an idiot because in my mind I genuinely thought Oh, well yeah, he likes me as a friend. Duh. Then he continued with, “But if you don’t feel the same way and just want to be friends, I totally understand.” Wait, hold up. This whole time, I was happy just being friends with him and thought that’s the farthest it was going to get. But now my eye-candy crush of three years liked me back AND asked me out??
Marshmallow was such a sweet dork. Besides Gamer, he was the only one whose weirdness was completely compatible with mine; We had a lot of fun together with such an innocent, child-like relationship. And he looked ridiculously good in button down shirts like my goodness. Our relationship lasted only three months though (we didn’t get to know each other well enough to maintain a long distance relationship after he left), so sometimes I wonder if we would have always stayed that happy and compatible or if that was merely the honeymoon stage for us.
I won’t lie, I felt very heartbroken when he ended things (in a respectful manner) but I had already realized that we weren’t managing this long distance relationship well either so I knew it had to end. Despite heavy sadness I felt, I didn’t have any regrets as I had truly lived the quote “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and I couldn’t be happier about that.
That was six years ago. Since then I’ve moved on and never thought about him at all, but the feeling of fondness for him and our time together never went away. Perhaps that feeling is deeply and heavily rooted in my subconscious for me to have a dream about him pop up every now and then?
I honestly never think about him anymore so it surprises me to no end when suddenly I dream about him. Then, because of that, I end up reminiscing for the following two or three days. But ironically, I never have another dream about him until many months later when I’ve forgotten about him again. A steady cycle over the last 6 years.
I believe that I don’t have feelings for him anymore, but he is someone I will always remember and will always cherish for making my high school self’s dream come true. That June summer we spent together as a couple in high school before he graduated will always be one of my favorite times in life. A perfect end to a high school fairy tale.
Ah, Marshmallow. You big dork. I hope you’re doing well.