Have any of you found out what your love languages are? If you don’t know what they are, basically it’s stated that every person has a particular way of expressing their love to someone and understanding them is very important. Many people in relationships can sometimes feel like their partner doesn’t love them, but it’s mainly because both parties express love in a different way and either side isn’t clearly seeing it.
The five languages are (in no particular order): words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Miso, my close friend, expresses love through quality time mainly (followed by others I’m not sure in what order) and she once told me she wasn’t sure if her boyfriend loved her – or rather, he doesn’t show it. We talked about the five languages and she realized that he does express it but not via quality time, through gifts and actions. He spends so much money (almost carelessly) for her and on her. One time they were facetiming and Miso said she missed him. The next day he booked a flight to see her for the weekend (they’re lowkey long distance).
You can take a test to see in what order your love languages are. Mine are: Acts of service (9), words of affirmation (9), receiving gifts (7), quality time (4), and physical touch (1).
I think this is very accurate. And as you can see, acts of service and words of affirmation are tied in first place. I find opening up to be a special thing, so I take it seriously and find it meaningful when someone tells me something remotely deep on how they feel about me. BUT, acts of service definitely go hand in hand with words of affirmation (which probably is why they’re both tied). If someone just keeps saying stuff without SHOWING me through actions, I’ll slowly believe them less and less.
Gifting is also very important to me. Not just receiving gifts, but giving. In my opinion, I sort of correlate it with acts of service. I love making mental notes on what my loved ones said they wanted/needed and then getting it for them later. It’s certainly my way of showing others that I was listening and that I care enough to get it for them no matter the price (well, to an extent. I ain’t no millionaire, ha). It goes the other way too. If I receive a gift – personal or not – I’ll be touched and think they really thought about it or that they at least thought of me and cared enough to give it to me.
Quality time was second to last, which I was actually a little surprised about because I thought it would have been higher up. But thinking about it, I think it makes sense. For me, I don’t care what I do with someone just as long as we’re together and having fun. For almost three years now, I’ve just been hanging out at Gamer’s place and watching him game or watching a netflix movie with him. We don’t really change it up at all except a few movies or dinners here and there. And I’m totally content with it, I haven’t ever really wished we’d stop this routine. So quality time has never exactly mattered.
That being said, there is a limit to it though. Remember that fortnite fiasco? For almost a month and a half, Gamer was so obsessed with it that every time I came over we hardly spent time together and he’d just be absorbed with playing fortnite with his friends. And I think that’s where it matters. I don’t care what we do, as long as we spend some time TOGETHER. When Gamer was in the deep end with fortnite, we’d be doing our own thing for hours on end and it felt like such a fucking waste of time that I came all the way to his place just to do something I could have done back home.
Physical touch was dead last with just one point in it hahah. It’s funny because I’m definitely very touchy. I like clinging on to someone and being close in a physical manner. But I think maybe BECAUSE I do it so much, it means I don’t really care at all about physical touch. Like someone who finds physical touch meaningful might do it more cautiously and to certain people only. But I couldn’t care less about it so I’m just displaying my physical affection shamelessly. Trust me, I cling on to Gamer a LOT like some deprived cat without thinking about it.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I think holding hands and kissing each other are super cute and my heart would definitely flutter if it happened to me. But I think it’s just because it’s romantic, not because I find it super meaningful or anything.
Of course, these are the ways I show and interpret love, but it won’t always go both ways with someone. I might find it very special that someone got me a dinosaur book because they remembered I love paleontology, but maybe to them it’s not a big deal at all and they did it just because.
It’s important to understand these languages of love and understanding other people’s love languages too. You might express your love to the fullest through gifts or acts of service, but your partner probably will still think you don’t love them because you’re not giving any physical touch, which they find the most meaningful.