Surviving vs. Thriving

I’m ashamed to look and see how long it has been since I last wrote a post on here. I do have quite a few posts to write about so I will probably spread them out over the week. For my first post…

Recently, my dad’s friend from Chicago (let’s call him Reader) came to visit with his daughter who is two years younger than me. He is a very intellectual guy who has loved to learn since he was a child back in India. He’d pick up any and every book just to expand his knowledge – and boy, did he really expand my mind when he came and stayed for a few days.

One night we were all chilling by the kitchen counter and he gave me a speech about how I should choose to go into my future and nothing has ever struck me as much as what he said that night.

As many people say or have heard from others, you should follow your interests and do what you enjoy. That was the message Reader gave me essentially but worded this way:

You need to find something you’re obsessed with. Something that interests you so much, and something you are so passionate about, that you will wake up in the mornings and chances are that THAT is what you will think about. It should be that way. Anyone can do any job in the future, humans are capable of adapting to their environments.

But if you choose something you obsess over, you will excel no matter where you go. You will be promoted sooner than later, you will get a higher salary raise if that’s what you care about, and people from other fields will come to consult you because you are one of the best in your field. But most importantly, you will have fun.

You can be really talented in one field, but if you don’t obsess over it or have fun with it, then in the end you will be surviving, like everyone else, when really you should be thriving and making a difference in the world – regardless of the field you are passionate about.

“Don’t just survive. That’s what we immigrant parents all over the world have done and are doing right now for you kids. All these immigrant parents have left the comfort of their home countries and are merely surviving right now. Don’t be like us, that’s not why we brought you here. Be better than us, make a difference.”

His speech hit me hard. I’ve always heard people say follow your interests, but it what how Reader put it that made me rethink my entire future. I had plans to go through the English field and become an editor of some sorts, because I enjoy going through the editing process and also that is one of my skills. But.. I don’t obsess over it. I don’t wake up in the mornings wondering what literature I’m going to read next (as much as I’m trying to read more nowadays) nor do I pick up and read any of the books on writing/grammar that I have received as gifts from family.

The one thing I obsess over is paleontology. I love it with all my heart and have since I was a little kid. Paleontology is the subject where I willingly go and WANT to buy books on and read on the train. Every time I go to a bookstore, I always search for a paleontology section. Currently I am reading a book on the Tyrannosaur family that I found at a thrift book store and I am learning so much.

Reader’s speech didn’t just affect me though, it seems like my mom was also enlightened by it. To my surprise, my mom, who had once strongly suggested neurology as a career path, is now encouraging me to follow paleontology. First, I should finish my English degree and get a masters, but afterward – go get that paleontology degree and maybe become a professor.

To be honest, I have yet to look at schools that have good paleontology courses and am still feeling slightly lost despite knowing what I want to do. But I have a good feeling about it.


Mellow, Empty Evenings

I find myself being bored quite often lately. Normally, I look forward to crawling into bed and being on my laptop or grabbing a book and reading, and I still do! But when I’m in bed, I just suddenly sit there staring at my laptop or at the wall like “… now what.”

It’s like I don’t have the interest or motivation to do what I normally enjoy doing. I try to think of other things to do, but when I do I’m just like “eh… no…” For a while now I’ve noticed that I tend to sit in bed and stare off into space because everything else is boring.

Could you believe it, I don’t even feel like listening to music anymore. I’ll try to play music to get into the groove maybe, but I turn it off after a couple minutes (if not immediately). I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t even feel like playing pokemon or watching netflix. Do I need to find new passions? Being bored is pretty tiresome now…

I noticed my temper is getting worse now too. I snap more easily or make more sassy retorts to my mom and/or get annoyed faster. I don’t mean to… but I can’t help it. My short temper’s getting worse. I guess for a while now, my whole mood is just “sigh” and all mellow and neutral.

Maybe my job is wearing me out too, ’cause I sometimes don’t feel like responding to my parents if they consistently ask me questions or I respond in a sort of exasperated way. I guess I’m too tired to respond like that.

Hopefully this phase passes. I would like to actually do things to pass the time… Heck, I’m even considering going into work tomorrow morning even though I don’t have to because I already know I’m gonna be bored as hell tomorrow.

It took a lot of effort to start writing this blog post too. Ugh. Do you guys ever get into these phases too?

Reasons for Being Late (Reader Discretion is Advised)

Reader discretion is advised for those who do not do well in the company of words describing the monthly visits ladies have from mother nature:

So I finally got my period yesterday. After being 10 days late. Surprisingly, I wasn’t freaking out a lot about that because since my last cycle, I always made sure Beau and I were all good and that the condoms didn’t leak or such after each session. I also always made a strong mental note each time that nothing suspicious or doubtful happened – that way, whenever I do become late, I don’t start getting doubtful like “wait, did it leak?!” and cause false memories due to a freak out. So because of that, I was roughly 99% sure there was no way I could be pregnant.

Regardless… I freaked out on day 10 though. Like, what if some miracle happened and I somehow got impregnated? I started googling (incognito mode of course haha) about early pregnancy signs and reasons my period could be late. Besides the safety checks Beau and I conducted, I was also mainly reassured I wasn’t pregnant because before my cycle was supposed to begin, a lot of external factors that generally can delay periods occurred.

For example, that was the week I began work, and my daily exercise jumped from an astounding 0 to 8 hours each day that week (exaggeration, I didn’t actually live an exercise-free life, but you get my point). That’s a huge jump, especially because I went from lounging around to lifting boxes hour after hour. So around day 2 or 3 of being late, I assumed it was because of my job.

A few more days went by period-less, and I started to think about what else it could be. Then I realized it was also because my daily routine has changed. During the school year I always woke up around a certain time, and when summer vacation started, I woke up later but regardless around the same time each day (around 10am). When work started, one day I would have to get up at 7am, another day I slept in till 11am, and another day woke up at 9am.

Then I also noticed I started to get a little sick. Not too much, but enough for me to realize I was starting to get sick. All of these things happened around the same time, so I guess it makes sense I would be late by nearly 2 fucking weeks.

Man, getting my period was a relief but also a total bitch. I was rejoicing over text to my close friend, but then soon cursing my luck at periods. Something I will post next: